R A I N L O V E R

light and shade

2011-01-20T23:18:00.003+08:00

this photo says a lot about how i am feeling right now.

there are actually two lamps in the picture. one is lit and the other one is just sitting in the dark. (i don't want to expound on this at the moment; suffice it to say that the picture just captures my mood)

(:(

TREEp lang

2011-01-18T23:40:00.002+08:00

.. dahil wala akong magawa kanina habang hinihintay ang sundo ko sa lovers' lane ng upis :p

matagal na pala akong hindi nasusundo haha. nasanay kasi ako na nagdadrive eh. masarap din pala ang pakiramdam nang hindi ikaw ang nagmamaneho. masaya rin ang may sumusundo.

by the way. ung 2nd picture dito? hindi black and white yan :)

impromptu part 2

2011-01-17T23:55:00.002+08:00

i don't know if this is getting to be a habit; but today's "photowalk" is the second impromptu gimik i've had for the week.

took a lot of pix at eastwood mall with friend mich. too many to post here, obviously.. and for some reason, picasa isn't letting me upload the pix via google's photos. go figure. they're all on fb though.. so i guess that's ok. still, it kinda sucks that picasa's being nonfriendly to me.

so here. just a couple of snaps for posterity.. :p

impromptu

2011-01-15T21:04:00.008+08:00

unplanned dinners are love :)

dad and i were supposed to go to makati tonight to attend scripture studies; but due to the rain (and heavy traffic), we ended up in metrowalk instead :D hahaha.

i took pictures during the car ride. and while going around metrowalk. and while having dinner. and during the ride home. well, you get my drift :p

i just love times like this :D

pi(e) stuff

2011-01-13T22:58:00.002+08:00

hahaha. i couldn't help it.. i just HAD to make this my 'photo of the day' after i took a look at our strainer on the table :p

my caption for this reads (wait for it..)

THE 6TH ROOTS OF 1 CIS 360

hahahaha. math hangover :p

the day i left zel

2011-01-12T23:05:00.002+08:00

has it ever happened to you that on the ONE DAY that you didn't bring your umbrella, all of a sudden it rains cats and dogs? well, today, i left zel at home coz i had to bring zeena to school (had to finish typing my periodic exams for this quarter).. and i didn't want to add to the stuff i had to lug around.

now, since i'm usually the person to whom these things happen, i wasn't surprised to find that on the ONE DAY i left my dslr at home, i suddenly found so many stuff to take pictures of. sheesh. anyway, i didn't want to miss out on taking some shots; so i used zyx to take pictures instead. hahaha. she works pretty well, too, coz there was more than enough light available :)

here are some of the photos i took today:

.. i loved the color scheme of the ceiling in 'sicilian' resto in petron (lunch w/ mich)

.. this tree serves as a home to a lot of (happy?) termites in school

.. i just loooooove the lights in h.k. choi :D i really, really wish i brought zel along then

.. the lights look like some kind of alien bejeweled jellyfish hahaha :p

i took other pix after our prayer meeting.. but i used friend franz's cam for that. tsk. next time i guess i'll just have to lug zel around so i won't miss a shot again..

unexpected

2011-01-09T21:54:00.003+08:00

i got an unexpected gift from somebody today. it was unexpected because she's not really close to me (the last time we saw each other was months ago).. and we don't get to talk in person (or even on the phone!). anyway, it was a nice surprise and it really made me smile :) i like surprises.. good ones, at least :D

i dubbed her 'roxy' because.. hmm.. well, coz she *is* mine. and she *kinda* looks like me (just pls don't imagine me wearing pigtails ok?). she's even wearing red shoes (as i am, right now) so i suppose she's a mini-wox haha.

nice. the universe is sending lots of good vibes my way :p

shots, shots, shots

2011-01-07T15:39:00.004+08:00

i'm following the footsteps of a friend of mine who decided to do a project:

come up with at least one really good photo per day, for one whole year.

so i'm trying to do the same. which means i'll have to bring drexzel along almost every day. wow. i sure hope i can keep this up for the next 358 days or so.. haha.

it's kinda obvious that i'd rather take pictures of inanimate objects than people, huh? :p

picture post

2011-01-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

long day. quite a busy one, so i'll just post some pix that more or less describe where i've been and what i've done today.

1) vanity pix. i think camwhoring becomes more pron0unced when you start becoming interested in cameras and photography hehehe.. :p

2) sample shots. somehow, the school looks a lot nicer through the lens..

3) usual wednesday routine. dad and i ate at cbtl megamall before the mass. i ordered my favorite moroccan mint and their cheese muffin (which was delish, but quite dry).

4) unusual routine for a wednesday. after the mass, our ministry held our (belated) christmas party at cabalen resto. our musical director also celebrated his **th bday with us :)

:'(

2011-01-04T23:20:00.002+08:00

i'm sad today. i don't know exactly why. maybe i need a good cry - but i can't find the time or the opportunity to do so.

damn this feeling. i fucking hate being emo

alienanities

2011-01-03T19:49:00.002+08:00

meet naf and flux - the newest inhabitants of the wyjel the rocketship disguised as a car :p

this day is all about taking pictures (hey, what better way to spend the last day of xmas break, right?!).. and i started by shooting my favorite (inanimate) aliens :)

lots and lots of pictures to post! haha. friend mich and i took around 700 shots between us :D

(my shots are here in this link, if you're interested to take a look)

i suppose this makes up for all the busy days we won't be able to photo-walk these coming weeks, haha :p we'll see though.. you never know when you can sneak in a shot or two.. :p

camera post.. picture post :)

2011-01-02T19:50:00.003+08:00

no, this is NOT drexzel (my new 'baby'). it's my 'nikon 4Gb usb'! haha. i thought i'd start using it 'coz i've been bitten by the photography bug ever since mich and i bought our first dslrs last week :)

ever since i bought my nikon D3100, i've been hooked on taking pictures. yeah, i'm excited to learn photography.. shooting people (with the camera, of course, not a gun), interesting foliage and other stuff. but you know the photographer's bane - he who takes the pictures is not included in his shots.

well, camwhore that i am, i always make sure that i get my picture taken, haha! that's why i prefer having a friend with me when i'm shooting pics.. just so i'd have a couple of pictures of myself - proof that yeah, I WAS THERE hahaha :))

anyway, here's a compilation of some of my pictures taken today at megamall after the epiphany sunday mass.. (i especially love the one taken with darth vader)

writing into 2011

2011-01-02T19:30:00.001+08:00

i got my starbucks 2011 planner a couple of weeks ago. in my opinion, it's a lot better than last year's. still, i don't intend to use it much.. mostly because the pages are lined; and because of my small writing, that becomes a problem.

instead, i decided to use the 2011 version of my planner last year:

the pink version of "this journal will actually change someone's life in 2011" :D it has lots of cool trivia, as well as loads and loads of space to write on! haha. plus, the pages are colorful (warm brown with splashes of color). perfect for perennially-bored people such as i :p

i can't wait to write my first entry for this year :)

happy new year!

2011-01-01T23:37:00.002+08:00

first day of 2011 and guess how i spent it?

well, like most other people (i guess), the first 10 hours of my day were spent in bed (ok, i slept at 2.30am and woke up at 10am. still, i was in bed, haha). then i had brunch while spending quality time with zeena (as i always do) and fell asleep again from 2-3pm! haha. talk about wasting more than half the day!!

i wasn't going to let the first day of the decade go to waste, though.. so i quickly freshened up, dressed and went out, bringing along drexzel. hence the picture above.

yup. i spent january 1st taking shots around UP campus :) it was fun.. but also a bit lonely. i had originally planned to walk around campus with my dad for company - but he had to stay home with my mom (who's experiencing a bout of vertigo). then i asked friend mich to go with me, but then she couldn't leave her aunt's place in time to meet up. so it was just me and drex.. and a bunch of other photographers/joggers/mortals doing our own thing at the quezon hall :p

when finally it was getting too dark to take pictures, i decided to head back home. i had to nix my original plan to drop by the UP chapel coz i couldn't find a place to park wyjel. the place was packed! sheesh. no 'quiet time' for me in that aspect, i guess. but that's fine. i had enough time to myself, anyway..

so there. it's been a lazy but fun january 1st for me. not a bad way to start the year or decade :)

how did YOU spend your first day of 2011? :D

*note: this post is here primarily because of my pencil-loving friend, xerox, who time and again bugs me to update this blog :D

crack

2010-04-24T13:05:00.002+08:00

i don't know how you can go from being in 7th heaven one moment and down in the deepest dumps the next. i can't explain it, but it seems to be one of my talents. my mood swings and roller coaster highs and lows are unbelievable.

anyway. i really hate being able to read between the lines. i'd like to think it's simply a case of paranoia; but it's not. i've been proven correct so many times, in spite of my wishing to be oh-so-wrong, that i'm afraid this time my hunch is once again right. *sigh*

so apparently nothing's changed. except that now i've sacrificed more and am almost immune to the ill treatment. it sucks that i'm the only one who knows what's going on and that i can't tell anyone about how i'm feeling. hell, i only recently figured out why i was hurting so bad; i couldn't possibly explain it to anyone else.

turns out i do wish i weren't so invisible and dispensable. ha. who'd have thought, huh?

fictional character

2010-04-15T00:47:00.002+08:00

fb has been taking up a lot of my time for the past months. but it's not really the reason why i neglected this blog. i'm not exactly sure why, but for almost two years already, i just lost my interest in writing. more than that, though, i think i lost my interest in what's going on around me. i mean, it's pointless to write when there's nothing for you to write about.. when nothing interests you anymore and you just don't give a damn what's happening around you..

of late, however, i've been feeling.. restless. irritable. BITCHY. ok, ok.. i admit, i usually am bitchy and irritable and restless. but this is different. totally different. for the past couple of weeks i've had this urge to spill out whatever it is that's keeping me so edgy (though, frankly, i have no idea what that is.. i just know i have to let it out).

so here i am.. back to writing. though what it is i'm writing about, i have yet to figure out. at the moment, i feel more like a fictional character - someone with a story, yet someone who's not "all there." i'm flitting between 'realities' right now.

oh well. let's see how long i can keep this up..

ringing in my ears

2010-01-01T23:47:00.002+08:00

everyone ringing in the new year.. welcoming it with a bang. hmm. well, not me. 2010 blasted into my life so quickly it left me gasping for air. oh well.

2009 was probably one of the most "blah" years i've had. and while i enthusiastically bid it good riddance, i feel a lot of trepidation in greeting this new year.

after all, it's the first day of 2010 and already i've failed to keep one of my resolutions. ha. good luck with the next 364 days..

yada yada yada

2009-12-27T21:10:00.002+08:00

it has been a while since i visited this place. i have no explanations; and i make no apologies.

i feel like i've changed so much this past year. 2009 didn't exactly bring to fruition all the promises it held when it started. i can't wait to bid this year goodbye.

it says a lot when the only times i am actually able to write something is when i'm so upset i find it hard to breathe..

wholesome video

2009-10-04T00:01:00.002+08:00

yes.. this IS a wholesome video hahaha. '
it just depends on how green your mind is.. nyahaha :p

look at me

2009-10-03T21:33:00.002+08:00

this video is so cool :p i'm not sure if this was taken during ondoy's havoc-wreaking moments; but it's still kinda freaky hehehe. freaky in a good way for me, at least..

terribly wonderful

2009-09-29T14:29:00.002+08:00

i love oxymorons. probably coz i am one, myself (original copy, right xerox?)

i just heard that classes in all levels are suspended until friday this week. hmm. we have ondoy to thank for that. talk about total devastation..

anyway. just posting an entry here coz i need to post something. anything.

oh well..

watch over me

2009-09-28T22:26:00.003+08:00

the heavy rains have stopped pouring. ondoy has left the country, at last.. but not before leaving almost the entire metro in shambles.

this morning, though.. the skies opened up. just for a little while. it was enough to make me feel twistedly (and ambivalently) happy.. yet scared.

i'm tired. so very tired.

i don't want to have to keep waiting for the rest of my life. i don't want to settle either.

what a mess.

just watch over me..

the color suits the day

2009-09-27T22:14:00.001+08:00

bdays (mine, at least) are not my favorite days. the celebration today was a simple lunch at superbowl with family. here's wcd with me.. fiddling with his camera (while i'm opening a gift from cousin almi).

it's not a bad day. there is, after all, so much to be grateful for (my bdays are notorious for bringing about calamitous typhoons such as milenyo and ondoy). our family was spared from the flood, the traffic and all inconveniences (except for a couple of hours of internet disconnection).

at the risk of sounding ungrateful, though.. today was just as any other day. apart from the disastrous background, this day was unremarkable.

oh. my bday wish? to have an attitude transplant. obviously i'm in dire need of it.

the magic is missing

2009-09-11T22:34:00.002+08:00

i miss being able to go out to shop. i mean, REALLY shop. yeah, i know i'm always in megamall. twice a week.. every week.. for the past decade or so. but my "shopping" escapades there are.. well.. i don't consider them actual shopping experiences.

i've always wanted to go to greenhills. to browse clothes.. to look for bargains.. update my wardrobe.. or just plain walk around.

i know what they all say. count your blessings. be grateful for the little things. yeah. i do. i am.

but the magic is missing. i wish i could get it back. i just don't know how :(

playing your cards right

2009-09-02T23:43:00.003+08:00

today is.. uhmm.. well, it's too eventful for me to write down a long post :p suffice it to say that i'm glad things turned out a whole lot better than i expected :)

anyway, today i learned that (1) there are moments when it's better to not lay down all your cards on the table; but (2) sometimes it pays to take a gamble :p

i'm uber-tired and feeling woozy with a splitting headache; but today i don't mind. and i don't care.

i still don't like the birth month; but as of now, i find i can more than tolerate it :)

i wonder if i ought to continue being poker-faced..

wake me up...

2009-09-01T22:59:00.003+08:00

there are many reasons why i hate september, and here are a few:

1. it signals in the christmas season. and we all know how i HATE that time of the year.

2. it's the month where i (officially) turn a year older. who the hell wants to get older?!

3. it's usually gloomy. oh. and there are no holidays in september.

so i reserved this special rant for today - the first day of september 2009. i thought that as years went by i'd get over my feeling of unease during my birth month. tsk. guess i was wrong. again.

anyway, i was riding the mrt late this afternoon when some stray thoughts wandered into my mind again. i guess i still have a semi-hangover from yesterday's movie. or maybe i'm really just in a morose mood. i dunno. but this supposedly inspirational quote popped into my head: today is a gift. that is why they call it the present. hahahahahaha. yeah right.

i rarely consider any day a gift. especially the present (or whenever it is that my physical body is stuck in). after all, my mind rarely stays in the now. it's either i'm wishing i could go back in time to undo all my stupid mistakes.. or else relive happier times that are no longer possible to bring back. or i'd be looking to the future - extremely paranoid or worried. i am almost never totally here 'coz my mind's always wandering in some different time zone; and i can't catch up.

but sometimes.. a few precious sometimes.. i manage to stay here. now. all too quickly, though.. time's up. and i'm back to my wandering ways.. *sigh*

oh well. still. thanks. i think.

out of time

2009-08-31T19:13:00.003+08:00

i "made the most" out of the holiday by doing something i haven't done in a long while. yup. i watched the time traveler's wife this afternoon at gateway mall (with the folks and wcd, hehe). it was.. hmm.. well, i wouldn't say spectacular, because naturally the book is always loads better than the movie version; but it was.. worth watching :)

i'm not a fan of romance/drama, but i really, really loved this story because of its plot. obviously it's about time travel.. but i just loved the way the author wrote it. the narrative is nonlinear and linear at the same time (depends on whose perspective, i suppose). bottom line: the novel is a semi-traditional love story written in a "weird" way. and we all know how i'm instantly drawn to weird stuff.. hehehe.

on a (not so) related note.. there are moments when i feel like i am a chrono-impaired person too. oh, you know.. as if i am not so fully in the present.. or i am not my own age. i don't think i travel through time.. but then again.. who knows?! maybe i do, but i just haven't met myself yet.

then again.. maybe i've met me but i've just been too ashamed of myself to say hello, hahahaha.

WTH!? :p

2009-08-30T21:04:00.003+08:00

bwahahahahahahahaha!! yeah, wth and wtf, lol! sheesh.

for lack of anything interesting to share with you guys, i'm posting my latest vanity pix here. haha. i got this beaded headband/necklace/belt and decided to try it out this afternoon when i was uber-bored. so there. hahahaha. lumabas ang pagka-kikay ko, letch.

anyway. i'm missing cousin ems. today's the first sunday that she's not with us after mass since she went to korea. *sigh* oh well. i'd better start thinking of ways to spend my weekends productively.. :)

the quality of my cyberlife is spiraling down the proverbial drain.. hahahaha. HELP!

no end in sight

2009-08-28T21:57:00.003+08:00

of the many closed figures (not *polygons* mind you), the circle holds a special place in my cardiod.. er.. heart, i mean. it's perfectly symmetrical, easily constructable and symbolically eternal.

but today, my feeling of ambivalence extends to this special shape.

cycles. wow. they could be quite vicious..

ambivalent

2009-08-27T23:09:00.003+08:00

i've been feeling tired a lot lately. at the same time, though, i find it hard to sleep. yeah, i know this isn't news to anyone. still.. for the past weeks, almost everything about me seems to be.. oh, i dunno.. undecided..?!

i've been keeping busy this august. not just with work or my usual activities.. but with new things, too. last august 22 i conducted a review for LET to a few educ graduates. haha.. it was my first time to conduct that kind of review; and admittedly i was nervous. thank god i was able to pull it off quite nicely, haha.

anyway. my mind has been unusually full of conflicting thoughts, of late. at the start of the month, i was really distressed. then paranoid. then angry/upset. then i moved towards cynicism/indifference. and now.. umm.. i am asking myself why i keep doing the things i really don't want to do. it's just plain weird. and kinda stupid.

tomorrow is eagerly anticipated and unwelcome.

madz about babes

2009-08-15T23:59:00.001+08:00

it's been a long and tiring day, to say the least. but i had fun. after all, it's been quite some time since i last went out on a 'gimik' with friends. plus, i got to watch a really nice concert too. (click on the title-link to see more pix)

happy to the power 1/2. don't ask me why.

overshadowed

2009-08-13T22:36:00.003+08:00

just a picture post for today. i'm tired. damn these stupid hormones - both an excess and a lack. ugh. i don't know who or what to blame for this. the weather? the cycle? the letter? or me?! *sigh* it's mostly me, i guess. always me. grrr.

sorry. now i'm remembering why i decided to stop updating this blog. hahahaha. it sucks to be in this mood (almost) all the time..

lights on

2009-08-11T01:12:00.001+08:00

i find it difficult to sleep.. especially when the lights are on. but today i slept with the room light switched on. i had to. i had a nightmare.

yeah, i know. i'm kinda old to be spooked by spooks in my dreams. but sheesh. when you wake up at 2am distinctly hearing this creepy voice in your head (whispering something about cursed unwritten modules).. it's just so hard to go back to sleep again. i know it sounds funny *now*.. but seriously.. that scary, raspy, whispery voice just haunted the sh*t out of me. damn.

so. about those modules. yeah.. i guess they're kinda cursed. i couldn't even start writing. it's like all my creative juices have been sucked out of me. and it's not for any lack of trying. dammit i've been trying for the past months.. but I JUST CAN'T WRITE!!! at least, i couldn't write anything er.. "scholarly". f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!! auuuggggghh!!

i am living a nightmare right now :(

the heimlich maneuver

2009-08-09T21:45:00.002+08:00

wow. another week is over. time sure flies fast. i don't really notice the days passing by. soon the "ber months" will be here and then christmas will be just around the corner. *sigh*

well, as before, whenever i want to distract or calm myself, i rummage for a book to read. and this time, i got my hands on palahniuk's novel, choke. haha. interesting read. mainly coz palahniuk is such an interesting author :p and also because the tone of the writing is just so.. hmm.. different. it's not a feel good novel.. but it's not dark or scary either. cool. i think i'm going to add palahniuk to my list of fave writers :)

oh well. time to read again. i certainly need the distraction. at least for the next few days.. *sigh*

reclaiming the lost

2009-08-09T00:12:00.003+08:00

i'm feeling the need to look deep inside of me.. to do some *real* soulsearching.. in the attempt to look for my lost GEEKINESS *rotfl*

hahaha. i dunno. it just feels so.. liberating.. to start being geeky/weird again. the past months of near-normalcy has turned me into a bitchy and morose human. ok, ok.. so i exaggerate. i don't think i've ever really been *truly* human. even during recent times :p alien blood still flows through my (so-called) veins. what i mean is.. i intend to turn alien again. then maybe i wouldn't feel so uncomfortable in my own skin.

so. here are a couple of my recent finds from my all-time fave web comic (xkcd, natch!). hope you fellow geeks enjoy this.. :)

a nobody's suicide

2009-08-08T22:31:00.001+08:00

thanks to liz for referring me to this.. hahahaha

resurrected

2009-08-08T22:12:00.003+08:00

you must be wondering why the picture post is a half-eaten chocolate heart. hmm. i dunno. i'm wondering, too :p

i'm also wondering why the heck i'm updating this blog. i practically killed it a few months back - though to be honest, i actually missed writing down my thoughts here. it's not as if *nothing* has been happening to me. in fact, there've been lots and lots of goings on lately. i just refused to update this blog coz i know how OC i can get about things i start.

mostly i've been wasting my time playing facebook games. grabe, nakakaadik pala ang mga yun!! haha. now, though, i decided to waste my time more privately (thereby giving myself more freedom to rant and rave).. while forcing myself to get my creative juices flowing.

anyway. i'm back. and so is this blog. it's thanks to liz that this one's resurrected from the grave. i didn't really think anyone would notice the lack of updates here - until she told me about it haha. so there. i hope you're happy, lil sis.. it's your fault that i'm back nyahahahaha *evil grin*

i'm actually trying to decide whether i should "backtrack" and post some stuff that's happened in the previous months - if only for posterity. i dunno. maybe i should. sana wag akong tamarin, hehehehe :p

in mourning

2009-08-05T23:22:00.000+08:00

today is a nonworking holiday. it's the last (official) day of mourning for the entire nation. today, we say our last farewell to our beloved president, tita cory.

today, too, is a day of mourning for me. yeah, i do have the capacity to grieve, you know. *sigh* but they say that it's healthy to cry for the loss of one that you love. i'm still hoping that there wouldn't be an actual loss.. but i dunno. it certainly feels like it.

i hate what's happening, but there's nothing i can do. if there's one thing i can't stand (apart from not having a shoulder to cry on), it's being forced to face a cold shoulder..

keeping after zouzou

2009-02-26T22:42:00.003+08:00

whew! what a day.. XP

i guess i can consider this day 'out of the ordinary.' it was not a very busy one - with a department meeting and a couple of 'article-tweaks' done.

today is not the usual day because (1) i decided to try something different (i.e., breaking routine by NOT attending a choir activity); (2) i went back to school AFTER i went home (hitched a ride with mich & poc); and (3) i went 'semi-malling' with mich and hitched a ride home with her XD

it's a tiring but happy day. and i dunno.. maybe i'm preparing for a different kind of routine that i'm hoping i wouldn't have to get into in the near future. still, i can smile.. uh.. sort of, haha.

now it's time to rest.. XP i'm missing you a bit. and i don't know if that's a good thing or not..

smooch

2009-02-25T21:48:00.004+08:00

i always wanted to get a big kiss *smile* more than that, though, i really wanted to give one, hahaha!

today's ash wednesday. i'd have to say, though.. i was kinda distracted today. i sort of forgot about it, honestly.. hehe. oh well.. i guess that's really how things go..

at any rate.. i can still smile today :D thanx.. though next time, i wish it would get more literal.. ;-)

zarina

2009-02-24T22:53:00.002+08:00

for the past 40 hours or so, i've been playing games on facebook. sheesh. i knew it. everytime i join one of those online social networks, the OC in me gets me hooked. hahaha. so i ended up playing mafia wars, dragon wars and vampires.

i don't know what i get out of playing the games. aside from wasting my time, that is. i did, however, get to finish writing down the minutes to last week's execom meeting this afternoon - mostly thanks to about an hour's worth of playing those three games online. haha. some motivation, huh?

oh well. i'm starting to not feel so well :( i think i'm going to rest early today (haha.. yeah right!) tomorrow's another long day. *sigh* i hope it'll be a good one..

start pretending

2009-02-23T10:28:00.004+08:00

every sunday, i try to wake up early to catch bo sanchez' talk over abc5 (it starts at around 6am, i think.. but i never catch the start since i'm usually way too sleepy to wake up at that time).

yesterday's topic was about how to become the person you want to be (or something like that). bo said that if you want to be a loving person, for example, then you have to act as if you already were. that is, you'll pretend to be the kind of person you want to be.

he goes on to say that if you do this, pretty soon, you will no longer have to pretend. your mind/body would have gotten used to "pretending" so that you will actually be a loving person. (did you actually understand what i wrote? sheesh. bo said it a lot better than i did.. sorry)

needless to say, his talk made me think through a lot of stuff in my head. not all of which are good (my head contains mostly er.. "un-good" stuff, hahaha)

so i'm embarking on a new project, starting today. i just don't know if i'd be able to pull it off.. but hey, it's worth a try. anything would be worth it, if i could just be successful at this.. how i wish i were her.. :(

caving in

2009-02-22T20:05:00.000+08:00

ok, ok.. so i caved. sheesh..

i don't know WHY i bothered to sign up for a facebook account. it's not as if i initially planned to update regularly (see what happened to my friendster account that's been dormant for god knows how long). i don't have lots of time to spare for yet another online social network. updating this blog takes up a lot of my time already.

so WHY did i cave in?

i dunno. maybe i just need to be in touch with people (or not-so-people people) again.

damn. my antisocial tendencies are starting to ruin my life XP as well as other unmentionable tendencies.. *sigh*

what a credo

2009-02-21T22:49:00.000+08:00

i had one of those not-so-terrific days again today. maybe it's because of yesterday's "fiasco".. or maybe it's because of hormones again. still, this day sucks. and the only thing that saved it was a pair of shoes.

after i made my mom flare up due to my bitchy attitude, dad brought us to gateway to go malling. which just goes to show that shopping therapy really works for women. yup.. it can cool heads and make women (even moms) forget their squabbles. it's costly.. but hey.. the release from stress is definitely worth it.

am i proud? hmm. i dunno.. 'coz in truth, bitch + submissive SO = zarina

how i wish..

2009-02-20T20:28:00.002+08:00

but it seems i can't.. *sigh*

there isn't much i'm able to do nowadays. sheesh. this isn't good for the self-esteem, you know. i feel quite.. useless. hmp.

anyway, this afternoon, i craved something sweet.. so i went to shoppersville to buy chocolate ice cream (actually, i went there to buy the 'eucalyptus-scented kleenex' when the craving set in). i suddenly remembered this quote sam sent a couple of months back:

am i still in the child's world where candy stands for something sweet enough to hold back tears? (v.c. andrews)

well. the ice cream helped some, i think. and so did the sleep!!! sheesh! hahaha. as soon as i got home, i hit the sack and slept for what.. more than 2 hours?! i skipped prax 'coz i felt so tired. waah.

i think i'm going to get even more sleep. hahaha. this is going to make me FAT.. XP i really wish you'd get back to your 'normal' happy self when you're with me.. even if you're just pretending..

dare (the) devil

2009-02-19T23:55:00.004+08:00

i don't think anyone would mistake me for a risk-taker.. much less a daredevil (is there a 'female' term for this?!) well, neither would i.

but as i always tell my geom class, "do not trust the figure," i ought to say "do not trust your senses."

i find that lately, i am often wrong in how i assess myself. hmm. i guess in spite of the increased solitude, i do not know myself anymore.

some risks are just not worth taking.. so why the hell do i keep on taking them with you?! :(

blowin' in the wind

2009-02-18T22:46:00.001+08:00

maybe because it's fun..?

or maybe people don't really intend to hurt each other. they just couldn't help themselves. *sigh* i'd like to think there's no malice in it. still.. one never knows..

today i had a post-vday coffee date with mama smurf (whose name is an oxymoron, when you think about it). it felt good to be in her company again. but i think my glum mood got in the way (or perhaps it was the 'donut distraction'.. i dunno). by the time i got to the prayer meeting venue, i was so frazzled. hmm. not much new there, anyway.

i still don't know the answer.. but i suppose it doesn't really matter. robot or alien, one still has to find ways to deal with the facts. i just wish there were a better way.. *sigh* is it too presumptuous of me to think you do this on purpose..? :'(

teardrops on no guitar

2009-02-17T02:36:00.004+08:00

_____ walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?

And there he goes, so perfectly,

The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love

Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause..

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star

He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

currently listening to taylor swift's teardrops on my guitar on my celphone right now. it's the first time i heard it, but i liked the words immediately.. so i googled the lyrics and posted them here XP

i couldn't find a suitable pic, though.. and i find myself wishing that i knew how to draw the images in my head. tsk.

oh. and i also find myself wishing i had a guitar (and that i knew how to play, of course). then i could try my hand at writing sappy songs like this, too. hahaha.

at least maybe that would help me get to sleep. zzz.. you're the reason for the teardrops. and the smiles too. :x

indifferently silent

2009-02-16T21:12:00.004+08:00

hmmm. there's nothing else i can add to this cartoon, is there? it's pretty self explanatory..

***

this day's pretty tiring. weird.. considering the fact that i didn't really do anything much. but then again, maybe it's not that surprising. after what's happened today (or rather, what's *not* happened), i kinda expected to be really, really tired.. :(

funny how even the girl in the cartoon looks like me. hahahahaha. this sucks. this really sucks X_x i'm missing you terribly.. X_x

puzzled

2009-02-15T23:03:00.002+08:00

okay, here's an old puzzle cited in the book i mentioned a couple of posts back. maybe you'd like to try answering it..

you are given 12 coins. they all have the same weight, except for one, which may be either lighter or heavier than the rest. you have to find out which coin is different, and whether it is light or heavy, using at most three weighings on a pair of scales. the scales have no graduations for weights; they just have two pans, and you can tell whether they are in balance, or the heavier one has gone down and the lighter one has gone up.

anyway, it's a puzzle, all right XP the solution in the book is given here below. good luck in figuring it out, hehehehe:

F set the coins out in a row
And chalked on each a letter, so,
To form the words, 'F AM NOT LICKED'
(An idea in his brain had clicked.)
And now his mother he'll enjoin:
MA DO LIKE
ME TO FIND
FAKE COIN

cool, huh? XP

oh well. this book sure was a good buy. it's an effective distraction. *sigh* i love puzzles. but really.. why do you keep confusing me this way..?! what did i do this time..? :(

an unexpected valentine

2009-02-14T10:40:00.003+08:00

hmmm. this day of hearts sure is starting out weird. happily weird, that is XP

early this morning (hmm.. 12:34am..?) i received an unexpected valentine greeting that really made me smile.

when i woke up, i got a deluge of greetings from people i haven't heard from in a looooong time. that made me smile again.

i got up from bed to find that our hired help was here to clean up last week's mess.. even though it's vday. obviously that made me smile too.

and then i read friend alexis' message in the chatbox.. along with a link to descartes' letter. and i saw this 'gift' from him.

wow. what can i say..?! my first valentine heart for the day. and it came from a rabbit. my imaginary pet rabbit.

thanx, descartes. i take back all the lousy things i said about you before.. hahaha XP

i know you're not the sweet, snuggly type.. but just the same.. here's a hug of thanks from me to you.. *hug* (that goes for you, too, obviously.. XP ily)

geeky + romantic = sierpinski

2009-02-13T22:33:00.000+08:00

.. tomorrow XP

yeah i know. it's a day before valentine's day. but everyone else seems to be in 'valentine' mode today. sheesh. surprisingly though, i'm not too affected. i mean.. i don't feel sappy, nor do i feel bitter (naks!). i'm just.. hmm.. er.. amused..?! hehehe..

i was actually planning to celebrate today. because it's friday the 13th. and that is one of my favorite er.. days (not 'occasion' or 'holiday' because it's neither). i was supposed to go hunting for black cats, leaning ladders and broken mirrors. or, alternatively, four-leafed clovers and rabbits' feet (obviously for luck). but i never got 'round to it because the valentine spirit was so pervasive. oh. and i had my geeky book, too. so combining the effects of those two.. i forgot to celebrate my happy friday the 13th day XP

and it seems as if there won't be any saturday the 14th celebration either.. (awww)

oh well. there's always tomorrow. and the next day. and the next.. hehehe :D i can't wait for a "post" celebration. sorry i can't make it tomorrow. next time, though.. *hug*

finding my inner geek

2009-02-12T22:20:00.001+08:00

ok wait. so this entry's title isn't really that accurate. my so-called 'inner' geek isn't exactly all that hidden, after all XP

the original plan for the day was for me to watch "yes man" with house guest em and my parents. but, due to some unforeseen circumstances, we weren't able to push through with that. so in the end, it was only em and i who went to gateway mall to kill time XP

we didn't get to watch any movie anymore because we found ourselves wandering through the mall's fully booked shop :D (that is, after she ooh'ed and aah'ed at the clipper store hehehe)

so i ended up with this er.. wonderfully geeky book by ian stewart. it's kinda pricey.. but then again, considering that i haven't bought any geeky math book in years.. i think it's worth it :D

i can't wait to read and re-read this. hahaha. i'm so happy i'm finally getting in touch with my weird/nerdy/geeky side again! XD it's just too bad you didn't push through with YOUR plan. tsk. bakit naman kasi ang layu-layo mo..?!

luscious

2009-02-11T22:12:00.000+08:00

raspberry is my new strawberry :D hahaha..

i've always been partial to "berries" ever since i was a kid. last month, when i was shopping for friend carolle's xmas/bday gift at body shop, i saw the raspberry body butter.. and i loved it! XD it smelled wonderfully luscious :D

today i *finally* got my own body butter! wheeee!! and this one's special, of course. it's uhm.. one of a kind, hahaha!! sheesh.. ang babaw talaga ng kaligayahan ko.. but really.. thanx for it.. (smile)

haburdei maykol

2009-02-11T16:55:00.001+08:00

haha. masaya lang ang araw na 'to. haburdei maykol!

yummy

2009-02-10T22:54:00.001+08:00

today cousin em sleeps over at our house. wheeee!! hahaha. no, this isn't some kind of "slumber party" - it's just a 2- or 3-day sleepover. kinda like a 'vacation' for my poor, poor cousin.. hehehe.. and a 'break' for me. a break from my solitude, that is.. :p

anyway, i wasn't expecting it, but i did have a great day today. hahahaha. in spite of the busyness of this week (grades are due on fri!! rawr!), i find that i'm not *too* stressed out XP thanx to my being able to catch up on zzz's hehehe :)

i'm certainly going to need the energy, if only to keep up with em.. hehehe XP i wonder what i did right tonight, for you to send me that message.. *smile* hahaha. i must really be getting good at this.. :)

out of the labyrinth

2009-02-09T20:25:00.004+08:00

happy mandaluyong day!

i never thought the occasion would prove significant to me at any point in my life.. but it has. today, it damned well proved *very* significant. sheesh.

i am feeling a mix of gratefulness, frustration, disappointment and surrealism. at the moment, there simply are not enough words. not enough words at all.

the universe is mocking me. definitely mocking me. damn. it's weird how i remembered *that* particular place. wow. talk about selective memory..

everything's massive

2009-02-08T20:16:00.002+08:00

somebody gave us this super-jumbo siopao today. hahahaha. see how big it is?! it's almost as big as our dinner plate. sheesh. i'm not a siopao fan.. but i am wild about weird stuff. and this counts as weird.. if only for its super-size, haha XP

what can i say? this day is full of "massive" stuff. everything seems to have been blown out of proportion. from community issues/concerns to family spats (guess what?! meron pa palang mga matatandang naliligaw sa mall. i'm not kidding) to my own frustrations at being invisible. hmm. this truly is a "gigantic" day *sigh*

i was able to catch bo sanchez' kerygma talk at abc 5 this morning.. and his message was timely, so it really stuck to my head like some kind of mantra: massive action. apparently, that's what is needed to effect true and lasting change. well, i learned quite a few things, listening to his talk.

i don't know whether i ought to be hopeful or not.. *sigh*

MiSS sunshine-y rain

2009-02-07T22:08:00.005+08:00

i served at the MSS whole day today. for some reason, i was perky/hyper although honestly, i wasn't feeling happy at all. weird. i guess this is my new way of channeling my frustrations and disappointments - smiling.

oh well. at least my pictures look good enough. hahahaha XP

bunniezzz..

2009-02-06T22:00:00.003+08:00

tiring day. ha. well, what else is new, right? XP i was supposed to be with the rest at manila hotel today. but i was just too tired to join. besides, i had a meeting this afternoon.. so no go :(

went to cousin almi's place with dad to pick up my mom after i left school. sheesh. i was so tired i fell asleep on the sofa, haha!

i want my little grey fluffy bunny.. waahhhh! (not descartes!!) XP

7 is a lucky number

2009-02-05T22:26:00.004+08:00

who said math has no application in life, whatsoever?! hahahaha.. XP

i watched 7 pounds at gateway tonight. i guess its original appeal to me is its (mathematical sounding) title, bwahahaha. but i became really interested to watch it when i was listening to a couple of dj's the other day. they were talking about the movie.. raving about how it's a shoo-in for an oscar nomination. i was intrigued because they mentioned that 7 pounds was a nontraditional type of movie - with the story unfolding in a nonlinear fashion. heck, they couldn't even mention what the movie was about! so yeah, naturally i became curious.. and i knew i just had to watch it XP

i wasn't disappointed XD

wow. if only for that fact, i *really* have to thank the writer and director of that movie. they totally salvaged my week, hahahaha XP wanna watch it with me..? *grin*

back into twilight

2009-02-04T23:09:00.002+08:00

"i had no right to want you — but i reached out and took you anyway.."

actually, the quote isn't from 'twilight' but from 'eclipse.' it's the one line that's stuck in my head ever since i read the series.

there's something about those words that goes beyond selfishness. somehow, each time i read that line, i get scared. it sounds.. sinister. and inevitable.

* * *

i am a competitive person. but not overtly. the pressure i put on myself, i don't show to others. i do think, though, that i was born with this tendency to compare myself with others.. and to strive to be better than them. of course, that rarely ever happens.. so yeah, i am one of the most disappointed (disappointing?) creatures on the face of this planet.

for a regular person, it's hard to realize that no matter how hard he tries, he just can't win. for me, it's 10x as difficult. i always fight hard in my battles.. but one, in particular, i fight to the death. so what happens now.. now that i realize i just *might* end up losing this one?

i managed to move heaven and earth. literally. and that's not an empty boast. i should have won, hands down. so why am i losing..?

maybe because no one can be backed up by both heaven and earth. and in my eagerness to win.. i pled to both. i couldn't choose. so i ended up bleeding.

but i'm not defeated. not yet. i continue the fight. to death.. and beyond. my ghost will always remain to haunt you, i'll make sure of that..

love is the answer..

2009-02-03T00:05:00.002+08:00

.. yeah, but what is the question?!

i was chatting with wox-to-be (w2b for short) last night when i read that ym stat msg. so i asked her the same.. and suggested this:

Q: what sucks?
A: love

o di ba? "love" is the answer!!! hahahaha!!

anyway. the said song (what else?! "love is the answer, natch) does hold a place in my heart. it's one of those "memorable" songs.. though the memory it brings isn't exactly a happy one. hahaha. it's just weird how my mind retains a lot of useless information. i guess my brain's just wired that way..

i'm trying to empower myself these days. i've started by setting up some (easy) goals. i'm not sure if i can meet these.. but i sure as hell am going to try..
* i will sleep early (before 11pm) starting this week
* i am going to save up for a new phone or some other gadget
* i will go to greenhills to shop - kahit window shopping lang
* i am going to ask for a well-deserved favor in the coming weeks

hahaha. good luck to me XP i just wish you'd stop breaking promises and actually do what you say you will. *that* would be empowering..

an applicable name

2009-02-02T18:44:00.004+08:00

hahaha. sorry, grimace.. i couldn't answer that.

according to my friend wikipedia:
Humans can adopt a facial expression as a voluntary action. However, because expressions are closely tied to emotion, they are more often involuntary. It can be nearly impossible to avoid expressions for certain emotions, even when it would be strongly desirable to do so; a person who is trying to avoid insult to an individual he or she finds highly unattractive might nevertheless show a brief expression of disgust before being able to reassume a neutral expression. The close link between emotion and expression can also work in the other direction; it has been observed that voluntarily assuming an expression can actually cause the associated emotion.

i should be making a list today.. a list of + and - ; and i ought to be weighing things, though not in a mathematical way. i should be happy - sort of. but i'm not. and i know exactly why. there are way too many - to count; but somehow.. *sigh* somehow i manage to lump them up into pairs that form +.. even though i know i shouldn't.

damn. it's overly weird when a hopeless pessimist creates (deadly) silver linings.

right now, my brain is filled with songs in foreign languages.. talakitok.. peanut butter and choco chip cookies.. mouth-watering scenes and (a dead) golden retriever. it's enough to drive me deeper into insanity. can you believe that in spite of all this.. there's still going to be a next time..? *sigh*

the second.. wait.. the nth time around

2009-02-01T19:16:00.004+08:00

And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away.

- daughtry

i don't know why i can't seem to learn my lessons right. i mean.. i *do* listen. i know the theoretical part. i am able to psych myself up.. to a certain degree. but when the final test comes.. i flunk. again and again and again. sheesh. this is beyond disappointing. there are no words to describe it..

like i said the other day, sanayan lang naman ito. the first disappointment always hurts the most. but afterwards, you get used to it. matapos mong bumagsak nang paulit-ulit, matututunan mo ring matuwa sa 3.0 na marka 'di ba? tatalon ka pa sa tuwa. ganyan nagiging mababaw ang kaligayahan ng isang tao..

i guess that's why i'm not so affected anymore. after all, learning to anticipate (or even expect) disappointment is an effective way to numb pain..

false statement

2009-01-31T23:12:00.002+08:00

I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying to
Let you know that what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

- taylor swift

been looking for song downloads the entire afternoon. listening to songs in my phone lulls me to sleep - and i am in desperate need of sleep for the past days.

i stumbled upon a few tunes by taylor swift. she's not exactly a favorite of mine - but the song lyrics intrigued me.. so i thought i'd give her songs a try.

*sigh* it's time to hit the sack. will the sandman come? i'm keeping my fingers crossed. and yes, i'm still hoping you'll keep your promise this time around..

:l

2009-01-28T06:06:00.001+08:00

i had some sort of epiphany today. it's nothing fancy; in fact, the thought crossed my mind a couple of times in the past. i just never really got 'round to following up the idea. anyway, this was what i realized today:

HOPE KILLS

yeah, i know it sounds so damned pessimistic. it's true, though. i remember reading something similar in neil gaiman's sandman series - hell is a place where people are tortured by the thought that there is a heaven they can never go to.

ironically, it just so happens that when hope dies, peace is born.

i really should learn how to practice that silent prelude.. i need to shut you out of my already overloaded mind..

2009-01-26T23:24:00.001+08:00

ok. just for the record.. hindi ito malaswang blogpost hahaha XP

tonight was our surprise shower party for ellen. we certainly had a lot of fun putting it together - especially since she was so darned difficult to surprise! ka-kutsaba namin lahat ng kamag-anak niya.. pati fiancee niya - para lang magawan ng paraan na mapapunta namin siya sa legend hotel XP

there's a funny story connected to the purchase of the condoms in the picture.. but i think that's another blog post altogether. suffice it to say that in case any of you had seen me buy a couple of boxes of rubber.. er.. those were all used for this said event, nyahahahahaha XP

anyway, the party was a success. it was (in spite of what the pictures above suggest) quite wholesome. no naked/stripping dancing men/women nyahahaha (tsk. sayang!).. no kinky games (except for the one with the banana - but it's so common that it doesn't count anymore).. not even any "hot" questions for the soon-to-be bride. hahaha. oh well. the important thing is that ellen had fun.. and we enjoyed each other's company :D

i am actually very excited for her XP for HER. not for me, though.. hahaha. i don't think i'll ever get *there* XP no regrets, though, right..?! no regrets..

walang hiya

2009-01-25T20:02:00.004+08:00

like the banner says, "i'm not ashamed.." in filipino, ako'y walang hiya.. hehehe XP

i've been sleep deprived for god knows how long. i don't remember the last time i had a decent night's sleep. but that's ok.. now that one of our main activities is over, i think i can rest a bit.

the celebration of the year of st. paul was held at the araneta center. an ecumenical service at 7.30am started the event; it was followed by a eucharistic celebration (9:00-11:00am) and talks by bro bo sanchez and bishop chito tagle. oh.. and nolyn cabahug, pinky marquez, jamie rivera and dulce all gave inspiring and heartfelt renditions of gospel songs. it was a wonderful celebration. so yeah, in spite of my sleep deprivation, i did enjoy myself :D

more pictures here on this link. but i'd have to say.. my faves are the ones i have with my friends XD

better late than ever

2009-01-24T19:18:00.001+08:00

i love cibo. but i love you guys more XP

thanx for the (super belated) bday treat, carolle..

do keep me posted on the you-know-what's ok? *HUG*

>:D<

2009-01-22T22:55:00.002+08:00

hey. this post is for YOU. i'm not sure if you visit this place; so i don't know if you can read this. but just the same, this one goes out to you.

it's weird that we haven't talked in ages. oh.. we do get to chat for a couple of minutes sometimes.. but that's not what i mean. i do miss *talking* to you. i miss sharing secrets and laughter and yes, even tears with you.

so in spite of the not so good news i got today.. i *am* grateful for the chance to have a real conversation with you. and though i may not have anything else to offer at the moment, i hope this would suffice..

*HUG*

invisible

2009-01-22T00:04:00.003+08:00

i wonder where sam gets all these pictures..

hmm. i'm not exactly sure if this is applicable to me. hahaha. well, considering that i don't have a 'significant other' right now, maybe it is XP

i'm not going to lie and say that i'm not searching for that 'special someone.' what girl doesn't want to have a guy who'll love her unconditionally and treat her like a queen? and yes, i do miss getting hugs and kisses. and lots and lots of hugs. and sweet nothings. i miss getting calls at night, going out on dates or just spending some quiet alone time.. all those cheesy stuff that couples do. complete with those googly-eyed looks. especially since february's drawing near (yep. S.A.D. is nearing once again!)

honestly, though.. i know i haven't found him (nor has he found me) 'coz i'm quite sure i'm not yet ready. oh, i'm definitely old enough - chronologically speaking, that is. but emotionally.. nah. i've got quite a number of tangles and unresolved issues. i don't think it's fair to drag anyone else into this mess i'm in, hahaha XP

oh well. maybe someday i'll lose my powers of invisibility. or at least, have the ability to turn it on/off at will..

take a bite

2009-01-19T20:18:00.004+08:00

grabbed this picture from jem's friendster page. it's a bit emo.. but i found it really interesting, so i posted it here anyway :p

hmm. so what happened to me today? nothing much. we had a faculty meeting this morning.. followed by picture taking. a lot of us wore violet, haha. looks like that would be the color of the year 2009 :) and i think it's going to be my new fave color, too.. haha

i spent the past few hours online - browsing through friends' multiply, friendster and other pages. it's odd how my so-called "social" life is reduced to a virtual one. or maybe it's always been this way: virtual XP

at any rate, this day feels weird to me. it's as if all i want to do is to sleep. i can't seem to get enough zzz's lately, *sigh* i wonder why i'm always so exhausted.. :(

..continued

2009-01-18T18:51:00.000+08:00

.. feels like today is a continuation of yesterday's adventures..

after the mass, cousin ems and i went around the department store on a mission: to look for gifts for two (or three) occasions.

i was hunting around for kikay stuff to give a friend's two kids. after almost an hour of browsing through the girly stuff, ems and i settled on some pink headbands, clips and sunglasses XP for the kid's younger sibling, we bought a pair of long-sleeved shirts (the weather still is kinda cold, after all).

the gift-hunting became more exciting as we scouted for a present for a bridal shower i'll be attending next week, haha. we marched off to the lingerie section of the mall.. and went gaga picking out some potential gifts XP from a red&black silk ensemble.. to a sexy purple nightie.. to some really raunchy underwear, bwahahaha!! i think i'm going to enjoy going to shower parties hehe XP

anyway. i'm still tired from yesterday's adventure. i slept for about 2 hours after eating a (late) lunch. trabahong baboy, according to ems, hehe XD oh well. time to do some chores now. and hopefully burn off some of the excess baggage, nyahahaha..

fishy travels

2009-01-17T23:59:00.001+08:00

family = happiness

like i anticipated.. i am tired but really happy ü got home late from pangasinan. but family outings (especially with cousin em!! hahaha!!) are really fun. so here i am.. quite exhausted yet unable to sleep 'coz i just *had* to post these pix XP

click here to view more shots XP

nerding it out

2009-01-16T23:24:00.002+08:00

just another tiring day. but hey.. i got a lot accomplished these last two days. tired but happy. hmm. i can live with that. just wishing there was more of the 'happy' and less of the 'tired' part, hehe XP

visited www.freerice.com again today. nothing like killing time by learning *and* donating rice to the poor. hahaha. yup. this is practically the only 'outreach' i engage in (apart from my usual church activities, that is).

right now my brain is thinking up a dozen stuff all at once: music, plans for tomorrow, daydreams, wardrobe choices, translation problems, phone numbers, the week's sked, z stuff, etc. i'm not consciously thinking of all these.. but i know they're all crammed up in my head.

my skull is currently protecting a precious supercomputer. time to give it a bit of a rest, haha. tomorrow's another long (yet hopefully happy/fulfilling) day.

happy laguna trip, lizzie! haha. i'll miss you.. and our weird chats XP this picture post is for you.. hehehehe XD and of course, i'll miss YOU. duh. talk about stating the obvious..

politically correct

2009-01-15T20:32:00.003+08:00

after chatting with lizzie tonight, i found out that i am an ethically disoriented, motivationally deficient extraterrestrial.

also, i was able to learn some new things (new to ME at least) such as:
* comsci people have really interesting stat msgs
* status msgs serve as conversation starters
* freerice.com has other topics aside from english (math?!?! wow)
* i sound more interesting when described in a politically correct way (actually, anyone would)
* pancakes & ice cream go well together. theoretically, that is
* i do not know the average number of grains of rice a person eats in a single meal
* i attract 'destructing' beings hahahaha
* guys are rarely brave enough to accompany their girlfriends to the lingerie section
* girls do not always brave the lingerie section either

hmmm. thanx once more to lizzie for giving me tips on what to do during those er.. sleep-inducing meetings wahahahaha.

losers rock XP

speak for yourself

2009-01-14T22:54:00.003+08:00

there must be some kind of "unlucky charm" connected with donuts. really. for some unexplained reason, the last three times i bought donuts on a wednesday, something unfortunate happened.

today's not such a good day. well, it's not as bad as the other day.. but still.. things aren't looking up. not so much. my only consolation is the cold weather. and even that is dampened by sunny skies (what?!) see, even the climate is going haywire. go figure.

i hate meetings. i hate being in charge. i hate getting all stressed out. i hate making mistakes. i hate being singled out. and i hate being pitted against someone i hate.

i think i'll just sing along with rihanna.. *sigh*
i wish i hadn't said sorry.. but i couldn't help it.. :(

i need fawkes

2009-01-12T20:04:00.002+08:00

disappointment + paranoia = insomnia + z,
where z is an undetermined number of other unquantifiable variables

i didn't ask for this. not today. i would have waited. i think i am patient enough for that. but as always, i am obedient. and incredibly gullible. sigh..

so. where am i at? i think i'm at the usual place i find myself in right after moments such as this. i keep coming back here.. against my wishes. but it always changes. this place never stays the same..

i wonder if the phoenix ever dies. its tears are said to be healing. that being so, could it cry itself to death?

i'm so not all right.. i have just one question: why? :'(

montemaria (holy) adventure

2009-01-11T01:43:00.000+08:00

another picture post!! XP

what an adventure, haha! this sure has been a loooooooong yet happy day :D technically speaking, it's already "tomorrow" today (huh?!) - i got home from monte maria past 12mn already. i'm physically exhausted.. but i can still feel the excitement from today's activities :D

i am happy. wow. hahahaha. it didn't take much to make me smile today :D just chocolate haha

another service in a couple of hours. gotta grab some shuteye now.. zzzzz *:D* kisses!! XP

unwelcome bunny

2009-01-09T08:38:00.002+08:00

according to friend alexis, descartes is back. i haven't had the chance to check her link yet though. maybe i'm just wary. descartes' return is just so.. er.. coincidental. in a not so good way.

*sigh* it's friday. i'm here at school. again. and i'm wishing so badly that i were somewhere else. doing an entirely different thing. but noooo. dammit. why do my instincts always have to be so right?!? :(

i think i'm coming to hate bunnies.. i wish i'd gathered enough willpower to start hating you..

second childhood

2009-01-04T20:46:00.002+08:00

here are the pictures taken from our choir's (belated) christmas party haha

it's fun to be a kid :p i really enjoyed this day - special thanx to my new playmate, cj haha. i guess when one gets older, one appreciates 'kiddie times' even more XP the music ministry party (held at jollibee pioneer) was a hit. the games were fun.. especially when we had to grab coins at the end of the party nyahahaha. oh.. and i was able to showcase one of my *very* hidden talents bwahaha. tsk. hindi ko 'yata dapat pinapahalata ang talento ko. mga alien lang at sobrang piling mga tao ang nakakaalam na lihim akong rope dancer nyahahahahaha.

well, it's a good way to "start" the year XD happy three kings.. and a prosperous new year to everybody :p i'm really, really happy today. thanx so much. feels like it's *my* day hahaha :-*

on the other side

2008-12-26T21:56:00.001+08:00

what's it like to look at the world through rose colored glasses? i wouldn't know. i've never owned rose colored glasses; and i don't intend to, ever. all my sunglasses are dark. too dark.. so my eyes are totally hidden. clearly, this says much about how i look at life, hahahaha.

what's it like to be on the other side of the glass? ahhh. now there's a question i can definitely answer hahaha.

my reply? scary.. but in a sick, twisted way, also exciting bwahahahaha XP i just wish you hadn't laughed after what happened. sheesh.. you would've been scared stiff, too, if it were you..

try..? no, ma!

2008-12-24T20:12:00.000+08:00

it's only my third time to go to trinoma hahaha. sheesh. i guess that's pretty pathetic, when you think about it. considering that the mall's only two rides away from our house.

anyway, today i resolved to visit that mall more often. i guess i could consider that my early new year's resolution, nyahahaha. so i'm glad that ninang treated us to her bday lunch at kamay kainan trinoma this afternoon. that gave us the opportunity to be mallrats again hehe. and of course, to take lots and lots of pictures (ok, i admit.. i did feel quite embarrassed. para kaming mga hindi pa nakatapak sa mall hahahaha!)

oh well. one more day 'til christmas. as expected, i am happy/sad. wow.

i can't wait for this season to be over and done with.. thanx for my getup. it really drew a lot of compliments.. :)

starstruck

2008-12-22T23:52:00.004+08:00

here are more pix from our vera-perez caroling this evening

i like our uniform for the caroling. it's bright, flashy and happy. in short, it's so unlike me.. hahahaha.. XP

seems like as christmas draws nearer, my days get busier. i spent my entire morning (and most of my afternoon) wrapping christmas presents for my relatives. i helped my dad with his presents, too (i seem to be the only one in the family who gets a kick out of wrapping stuff hehe). by the time heids picked me up to go to the vera-perez place, i had little energy left.

but i dunno.. i think singing has a way of lifting my spirit. or heck, maybe it's just the makeup hahaha. whatever the reason, by the time we were at the venue, i was feeling a whole lot better. quite hyper, even, hehe.

'mother lily' (the real one, nyahahaha) was there. but being near-clueless about local celebrities/stars, i didn't even recognize her. hahaha. in spite of the er.. (famous?) personalities present, i wasn't starstruck. *sigh* i was, instead, struck by something else, totally (but that's another story.. another blog post altogether) jeez. i think there really is something wrong with me.. XP

tonight is our last caroling night for 2008. and before leaving the place, i realized that today would be the last time i'd see my friends before christmas. our next activity will be on the 27th (practice). quite unexpectedly, i felt saddened by the thought. hah. weird. totally weird.

nevertheless, i'm grateful for the silver lining that presented itself to me just before going home :) haha. christmas really is a season for hope.. ;) thanx. that was *really* unexpected.. but i'm soooooo grateful for that. you don't know how much i needed that today.. :D *hugs*

what's a 'threshold'?

2008-12-21T23:36:00.001+08:00

click here for the complete album of pix :)

ok, so it's been a *really* long sunday. but i don't mind. not so much. i didn't expect to enjoy the christmas holiday.. but with all the caroling activities, i find that i am getting quite excited :p

the sunday mass wasn't very eventful; but due to some.. er.. circumstances, i didn't really feel too happy this morning. so, as is usually the case, i went around the mall for some therapeutic shopping (it was a last-minute christmas shopping spree, ok?). that helped cheer me up a bit. so that by the time i went off to valle verde 4 for the caroling, i was my uh.. 'normal' self (as the term 'normal' so loosely applies to me, that is, haha).

what really made my day, though, was a simple acknowledgement. hmm. how 'bout that? whoever said "sticks and stones may hurt my bones; but words will never hurt me" sure was an idiot, hahaha. in my case, sticks and stones may hurt my bones; but a few simple words can always 'heal' me :)

guess i can say i'm at the threshold of something i'm not exactly sure i want to cross..
now why can't you always be this decent? *sigh* i'll pretend not to notice the blatant manipulation..

all i want for christmas...

2008-12-19T00:25:00.008+08:00

my two front teeth are still intact, thank goodness.. so i won't have to include them in my christmas wish list.

what do i *really* want for christmas, anyway? world peace? a stop to global warming?

here are some song lyrics that complete the phrase "all i want for christmas.."

"... is a new year with you; twelve more months of loving, a heart so sweet and true" - toby keith

"... is to be loved by someone like you. outside the snow is falling; my heart is calling to spend my christmas time alone with you" - TLC

"... is some love from you..." - pretty willie

and some more..

"when i walk through a room let them see you need me.. walk through a room let them see you love me, love me, love me. that's what i want for christmas" - ella fitzgerald

"this year for christmas, i just wanna be with you" - george strait

hmm.. clearly, a pattern emerges *sigh*

so, how would YOU complete the phrase "all i want for christmas.."? :) as for me, i definitely go with mariah.

ala-BANG!

2008-12-18T23:59:00.001+08:00

(more pictures of the alabang carolling here )

it is another carolling night for us - this time, in alabang. the singing was fine, i guess. could be *a lot* better.. especially since there were so few of us tonight. and most of us weren't exactly in tip-top shape (voice-wise, that is). tsk tsk. but our audience seemed to appreciate our efforts, hehehe. i certainly hope so.

it was the trip to and from alabang that made this night different, haha. on the way to the venue from st. paul, boss rannie took a wrong turn.. and we ended up in pasay haha. we kept going, looking for a u-turn slot.. and we almost reached mall of asia (again?!). nyahaha. then, on our way back to makati from alabang, we sort of 'got lost' again. it was past 10pm already, and a lot of the streets in makati were already closed. so we had to take a lot of detours.. and boss rannie got befuddled again, i suppose.. coz we ended up going 'round circuitous routes before reaching st paul's compound XP

yup. this is one of those weird days again :p i'm going to brand this happy-sad. but i think i'll concentrate on happy. for now, at least.

caloocan carolling

2008-12-17T23:59:00.002+08:00

it's been a while since i last went home at 1:00am haha XP am i tired? you bet. did i have a perfect day? definitely not. but i'm not going to dwell on the not-so-good things right now. in spite of the 'misunderstandings,' the stress, the paranoia and the erm.. the usual stuff.. I AM SMILING ü

more pix on this link XP i think i'm getting the hang of being a camwhore bwahahaha
hmm. i wonder how long this 'happiness' is going to last..

christmas in the air

2008-12-13T00:43:00.002+08:00

these were taken from our performance at the mall of asia last night :) *finally* it's over!! but to be honest, i did have a wonderful time. i guess i really missed preparing for performances.. hehe.

click here and here for tons and tons of pix :)

hahaha.. in spite of myself, i'd have to say..

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!

(weird) family time :p

2008-12-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

i don't have siblings.. and boy, am i grateful! hahaha.. at least, i have my cousins. they are of varying degrees of "weird" - the most alien, being WCD of course haha.

wcd took this neat pic.. so i thought i'd post it here. cool, huh?

it's nice to *finally* be able to spend time with family, after such a hectic sked at school.

i'm sure tomorrow will bring more picture posts from me hahahaha.. XP

logic applied..

2008-12-06T21:37:00.002+08:00

.. logic gone wrong hahaha XP

i wonder how my students are coping with the problem set we gave them hehehe :p

today's the first time i got to sleep in in a week. it's like all my tiredness caught up to me. i was able to stay in bed 'til around 9.30am, hahaha. i woke up feeling sore and not really able to move without saying 'ow' - which makes me think i'm *really* getting older. oh well..

no rest for me from now 'til christmas i guess *sigh* i'm not looking forward to the coming week..

19 days 'til christmas. hmp. i just want to get it over with. i just want to get over you.. *sigh*

fixing my eyes..

2008-12-04T14:37:00.003+08:00

.. on you XP
i like my new glasses, haha. it looks 'retro' yet 'classy' according to my friends. well, yeah. like i said, i like my new glasses. but i don't really like the way i look when i wear them. i have really poor eyesight; so i have really thick lenses too (in spite of the fact that they're ultra-thin plastic lenses). they tend to 'warp' the shape of my eyes - making them look buggy. oh well.. tomorrow i'm back to wearing my contacts anyway, hehehe :p

the ST's and i finished the problem set for geom. wheeee! hahaha. i don't know what it is about inventing math questions that makes me happy, hehehehe :p it's always good to spread some holiday cheer about *evil grin*

well, i'm determined to enjoy this day. i'm going to be happy - no matter what. nyahahaha.

merry quizmas.. er.. christmas, that is XP

i love the holiday season.. :D i can't wait to find out my two surprises.. hahaha

missing sam

2008-12-03T22:16:00.004+08:00

sam sent me this a couple of days back. hahahaha. i just love getting picture/commentaries from my friends. says a lot about how they think. says a lot, too, about how they think i think, bwahahaha XP

anyway, after a long, long, long time, i *finally* got sam all to myself this afternoon XD it's been a while since we were last able to chat. i have to admit, it's fun to have another "alien" to hang out with. an *adult* alien who's on the same frequency as i am, hahaha. i miss those 'chikahan-with-matching-okrayan' moments XP

thanks, sam, for making me feel a lot less lonely. time flew for me this afternoon. maybe before the year ends we can have a repeat :p next time's my treat :D

*sigh* it's great to have a true friend who knows you XD i wish YOU would be a true friend to me too..

needing clarity

2008-12-01T22:45:00.004+08:00

i broke my glasses last week. i spent the past couple of days realizing just how difficult it is to have eyesight as bad as mine. *sigh* i miss my eyeglasses :(

sure, i have my trusty contacts; and i barely use my glasses when i go out (hahaha.. they say i look better without them anyway). but when i'm here at home, it's hard to move around without my glasses. i want to remove my contacts so i could rest my eyes; but i couldn't. otherwise, i wouldn't even be able to see past my short nose. *sigh*

tomorrow i'm going back to the eye doctor to get my new glasses. that's an additional P4k draining a hole in my pocket, waaah! :( but i have no choice. i *need* to get my vision back. i can't live alternating blurry eyesight and tired, puffy eyes for the rest of my life.

i need some clarity. and i don't think my eyes can take much more of this stinging. i wish my eye doctor can fix my blind spots as well.. :(

feels like christmas

2008-11-30T22:02:00.001+08:00

*i can literally feel the christmas season today*

this is freaky. hahaha. how did the christmas spirit creep upon me like that?!?! *sigh* oh well. this is going to be difficult. december is just about to start. there are 25 more days to go before "d-day" and i don't know how i can live with so much 'christmas spirit' hovering around me.

there's so much left to do - christmas shopping, work, choir prax, WORK.. - and my current mindset is interfering with all that. gotta focus. gotta get a grip on things again. gotta get a grip on myself again.. *sigh*

yet again..

2008-11-29T20:31:00.007+08:00

in all my years as a UP student, i *never* spent more than an hour in a queue. never. so now i'm wondering why the hell i bothered lining up for 1 1/2 hours just to buy tickets to a movie that from the very start i expected to be disappointed with.

oh, right. a promise is a promise.. *sigh*

i promised my cousins i'd treat them to the twilight movie once it shows. what i didn't expect was the sheer number of people (and not just *tweens* mind you!) in queue at gateway cinemas. sheesh.

there's just one word i can use to describe the movie: disappointing. i have no plans to post a movie review here because i don't want to have to remember how edward looked so girly.. or how bella's character lacked spunk.. or the way jasper looked so blank all the time.. or.. never mind.

disappointed yet again. *sigh* i should be getting used to this by now.. so why am i not? :( i miss you so much

choices

2008-11-27T23:19:00.001+08:00

Both Sides Now
Joni Mitchell

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

Ive looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really dont know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As evry fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, dont let them know
Dont give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say Ive changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living evry day

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all
why is is to hard to choose? i really don't know you at all..

deja vu is driving me crazy

2008-11-27T09:09:00.011+08:00

i woke up from a night filled with vivid dreams. one was really good.. and the other was really bad. i wonder why such a big part of my life seems to be lived out in my head. i hate it. i wish i could shut my brain up. oftentimes it's not worth living through the images in my mind..

so i have a bit of a temper. i'm here sitting in front of my pc trying to cool my head and slow my heart. it feels odd, feeling angry and scared at the same time. this would be funny if it weren't happening to me..

hypnotized. hmm. maybe i should go for that. i've always wondered what it's like to be 'under a spell' haha. then again.. maybe i already know.. i just don't know that i do..

it's hard being a phoenix. i wish i could kill the stupid bird once and for all. maybe i should feed her to you..

(4-letter)ing (3-letter word)

2008-11-26T23:40:00.003+08:00

HUG.

why is it so hard to come by these days? i haven't gotten a meaningful one in weeks..
and i'm *desperate* for it :(
i wish it would come from you though. i wouldn't be needing one if it weren't for you.. :'(